HerWork

We were out of money—and the tax-man cometh.

Some months prior, I’d been laid off. But instead of getting back to the corporate scramble, I decided it was a good time to fulfill an old desire. I wanted to grow spiritually, to help my fellow man, and to serve God. I was sure this would not only benefit the world, but also myself and my two kids.

I volunteered, I headed up projects that allowed others to serve, I prayed for people, I began a ministry as a spiritual healer. Some projects allowed me to earn money, others did not. But every moment felt firth—I was growing in my understanding of the Divine, and my family was happier than ever.

When I dragged out my budget spreadsheet in preparation for doing my taxes and ran some numbers, it looked like we were make it through the spring. But when summer hit, my unemployment insurance would run out. In the fall I would start a new project (for pay), but until then, our negative variance would be $2,500—and this was before figuring out the taxes I owed.

I stared at that number, displayed in stunning red on my spreadsheet. It was such a little number compared to the income I’d had before going into spiritual service. Was this the end of my new career?

I’d been convinced that the best plan was to devote 100% of my time and energy serving God. But I still had the children to consider and our long-term well-being. Was I crazy to think that I could get very far in this money-fueled world without always knowing when the next influx of cash was coming?

Underneath all the budget concerns and bills was a deeper fear—that if I couldn’t make it financially, I’d somehow fail God. I was almost afraid to ask Him. The thought snuck in that maybe He’d never really wanted me to do this work in the first place.

But I went to Him anyway, in prayer. Where else could I go?

“Okay,” I prayed. “You’re in charge here. I know You love me and the kids. I know that if You want me to work for You, You’ll make sure I get the job done.”

In those moments of prayerful humility, I felt reassured that God was with me, that I wasn’t facing things alone. I thought about all the good I’d been doing, and got a sweet sense of God’s ongoing approval. The spiritual progress I’d been making was permanent—it could never be taken away from me. He wasn’t disappointed in me—I was still His beloved daughter.

With new confidence, I was able to let go of how I thought I should serve Him, and instead became more willing to consider other options. I could say in my prayers, “If You need me to get a part-time job for a few months so that I can then come back and serve You again full-time, I’m willing. Just let me know.” And it occurred to me that wherever I wound up, whatever job I’d be doing, I would still be serving 100% if I did it to glorify God. So for a few weeks, I just waited, knowing that the direction would come—because God loves me.

April 15 was approaching, and I’d put off finding out the bad news long enough. My financial situation had brought me into unfamiliar tax territory, so I asked an accountant friend to help me. He called me after a few days.

“Brace yourself,” he said. “You’re getting a $3,000 refund.”

The shock of gratitude I felt left me sputtering for a few moments. Then I laughed—then I almost cried. Not only were my next several months taken care of, but there was even a little bonus. God always had loved me.

For the next several years, the children and I saw similar examples of that love. My employment situation has changed frequently, but that love has never wavered.